I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
