I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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