I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
