oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
