3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
