Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
