Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
