You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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