Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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