worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
