For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
