I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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