Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
