xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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