how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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