Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
