Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
