I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
