am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Your penis caused this!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
