Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
