Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
