Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
