I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
