Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
