We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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