I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
