Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
