hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
