My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
