You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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