He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
