remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
