Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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