i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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