Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
