I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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