Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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