so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
