accomplished twins. life is a go
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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