didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
