Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
