I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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