you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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