He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
