To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
