Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
