saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
