Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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