I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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