Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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