Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
