so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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