It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize