home. puking in laundry basket.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
