i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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