What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
FUCK WHALES
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
