The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
