Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
