The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
