I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
