Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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