Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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