My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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