Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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