did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
