i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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